Dinner Conversation

My 14yo has made an amazing lasagne tonight!

Husband: Dolly, is there anything you can't do?!

14yo: Um... impregnate a woman.

And normal service has resumed.

Car trouble...

My car is currently off the road with broken suspension and the Hub has decided he wants to fix it himself...  No, he is not a qualified mechanic but he's decided he wants a project...  

Six weeks later, my car is still on axle stands.  In the meantime, therefore, I've had to use his shiny new BMW.  It's big.  Too big.  Which is what led to the following WhatsApp conversation:

*leading on from his request for birthday ideas*

Me: Forget the list.  I need an alloy refurb for my birthday...

Him: Why do you need an alloy refurb?

Me: Well, I don't...

In my defense, if he'd fixed my car, I wouldn't have curbed his...

Weight Loss Advice

*Discussing my progress with my weight loss coach*

Her: You seem to be back on track this week!

Me: Yes!  Although I still have some Father's Day cheesecake to eat.

Her: You know, you don't HAVE to eat it!

People say the funniest things some times!

Juicy Bits

My 13yo asked to add to my shopping list...

NB: she's referring to orange juice...
probably.  With her I never quite know.

Lockdown Living #2

With all this time spent at home, I'm spending much more time on Instagram and Facebook than is healthy.   I'm also completing a lot of the daft questionnaires circulating on FB that I'd normal ignore.  For example:

Unpopular Opinion Game

Name 10 things that you DON’T like that everyone else likes.

1. Mayonnaise 🤮

2. Love Island - don't you feel your brain cells dying?!

3. Eggs - only in cakes please!

4. People - in general, not specifically. I know I'm not alone in this!

5. Passive aggressive/oversharing FB posts - not the place, people!

6. Camping!!!  Just no.

7.  Snow sports - I'll stay by the fire, thanks.

8.  War films - especially Apocalypse Now, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket. I appreciate they're fantastic but far too upsetting for me.

9. Mrs Brown's Boys - maybe should give it more of a chance but it makes me kinda queasy...I think it's the mole!

10. Inspirational memes - the odd one makes me smile but mainly they're a load of shite!

Bonus: these dumb questionnaires that I normally ignore!  #lockdownboredombeating!

Your turn...

Early Morning Masochism

My pilates instructor does Facebook Live sessions, which is great in this time of self-isolation.  However, this week she decided to do it via Zoom so she could see us, too!  And at 9am in the morning!  Sadist much??

Actually, as I found out, the worst bit about it was not being able to take my trousers off when I got too hot.

Lockdown Living #1

As the house descends into chaos on this, the first day of lockdown, I have taken the unprecedented action of calling a Family Meeting.  So far, agenda items include housework, school work, co-existing, and (my youngest's contribution) Shrek.

I now have until 3pm to formulate my new chore system, which will of course be scrupulously obeyed.

#respectmyauthority