Alt Xmas

As we're away this Christmas we've decided against a proper tree, so our decorations are slightly less traditional than usual! #LOTRChristmas #Orthancyouverymuch

Dream Envy

Told my husband I'd had a dream my gay friend had tried to seduce me.
Hub: Him??
Me: I don't know, maybe he'd been through everyone on the other side of the fence!
Hub (almost indignant): Well, he's never asked me!!

Straight talking

Husband to our youngest: Dolly, when we're grandparents, what should Mum be called?
Daughter: I think Old Hag.

My only comfort is that it makes the Hub 'Fascist'. #HotFuzzreference

Under(wear) prepared

Preparing for a dance weekender! So excited.  Also, it's the first trip of my adult life where I haven't packed from a list!!  Flying by the seat of ma pants!  ...Oh crap, pants!

Happy Halloween!

A good friend shared this on Facebook:

I've shown it to my Halloween-addict eldest and it has aggravated her quite impressively:

"You wana go, bro? The power of Halloween compels you!"

So I guess she's proved it right.

A Helping Hand

Evie: Are you making a start on dinner soon?
Me: Yes, I'm working myself up to it.
Evie: What do you mean?
Me: I mean it might take more energy that I've got at the moment.
Evie: I can do it for you.
Me: Are you sure? That's very kind.
Evie: I'm not going to make dinner, I'm going to drag you off the bed.

Oh well.

The Life Hack you didn't know you needed

Am I the only one who has decided against washing their hair and immediately regretted it once they've gone out for the day?  Probably not.

Am I the only one who has tried to rectify this in a café toilet by washing the front section over the sink with handwash and then attempting to dry it with a very lacklustre hand dryer?

Very possibly. 

Tying up loose ends

Starting this new blog has inspired me to finally complete one I began four years ago when my family and I embarked on a somewhat challenging and eventful tour of Europe.  I'm very proud of myself for actually bringing it to a conclusion, albeit a brief one.  If you're at all interested, you can find it here:

https://howarewestillmarried.blogspot.com/

Honesty is the best policy

I've taken the plunge and agreed to be a Guinea pig for a friend's latest weight loss programme.  I feel I definitely have the right attitude...

The Next Generation

My youngest is getting less cute and more savage as she grows - particularly now she's a teenager.  She is also a comedy genius - way funnier than I ever am!  When she contracted shingles, she walked around the house singing, "all the shingle ladies."  I've been keeping note of her comments and one-liners for the last six years or so and plan to bring them out at some point.  Like her 21st birthday party.  Or her wedding - which, she currently insists, will be to Kermit the Frog.  

I thought I'd share a few of her observations:

• On being likened to a burger by her sister: "Nah, my buns are way better!"
• "I've eaten so many calories I feel like Santa."
• When Dad told a bad joke: "Mum, when can we chuck him out?  I've got the papers.  All you need to do is sign!"
• When Dad bought a convertible: "Even I'm taller than it, it's so small!  I mean, seriously, it's just a silly car!"
• "AC/DC sounds like dying cats throwing up enchiladas."
• When she'd been cheeky: Me: "You'd better be nice, or we'll cancel your birthday on Friday!"  Her: "...Can I start being nice on Thursday?"
• Dad: "Just remember, you're the way you are because of your parents."  Her: "Shoot me."
• When offered a samosa: "No way.  It's a pastry of death and vegetables."
• Dad: "Have you been doing your Daily Mile at the park?"  Her: "No, I don't need to anymore.  I think you do though, there's a lot of meat on you."

God help us all!

The text that started it all....

3 October 2019
"So I've come to Immunology for my allergy test and it happens to be in the same place as Weight Management... so I'm fairly sure it won't be Immunology everyone thinks I'm here for.  Also, you wouldn't need a sign to know it's Weight Management...the chairs are massive!! There's a whole waiting room of massive chairs and two normal size ones in the corner.  Guess they're the Immunology chairs."

It was upon receiving this text that Mum said, "Claire, you really should write a book. You would sell millions of copies - I’m serious. Or a blog. Just publish all the texts you send me (well maybe not all)."

So, this is it, Our Ma.  This is the start of me making my fortune...  Watch this space.

Incidentally, I sat on one of the weight loss chairs.  Comfiest seat I've had for ages.

To begin....

...it might be helpful to know a few things about me.  In no particular order:

• I'm a 37 year-old-woman (at time of posting!)
• I'm British, born in South West England but living in North East Scotland
• I'm happily married with two teenage daughters
• I work part-time in local schools
• I love food 
• I'm, therefore, fairly generously built
• I love to sing, dance, read and eat
• Did I mention I like to eat?